I AM NOT STUPID

I'm not stupid

an idiot nor a fool

THANK YOU YOLANDA FOSTER FOR GIVING ME
THE WORDS AND COURAGE TO WRITE THIS

I'M NOT STUPID, I'M NOT STUPID.... I find myself saying these words more often these days, tears flowing down my cheeks and frustration. It's a frustration like I've never felt before, a cup of tea

AS I SLEEP

HAUNTING MY DREAMS

Why do you still creep into my bed in the quiet hours of the night haunting my dreams. watching visions of you, a character in an epic play flowing through the long night. The sound of your voice ringing crystal clear in my ears, you're as real as though you were here. I watch without control just as life spun out of control, as the roles are played out. Sometimes you're sorry wanting to sooth the pain, others cold and hard not caring I'm watching with tears as you play your role.

As the play in the night starts fading away that old familiar feeling lets itself be known. Slowly, ever so slowly at first my heart starts to break over and over, my soul becomes lost again. With the remnants of promises that weren't kept, what was to be a beautiful happy life that turned to anger, fear and pain, my tears start to flow. I wake sobbing heartbroken all over again asking 

"when will the pain in my heart ever stop, will the hole left in soul ever heal"     

HEART BREAKING

PERSONAL CHOICE

 

MY DEAR OLD SWEET
MrT

"Births, Weddings and Deaths bring the best or the worst out in people "

Boy is that saying true, it's one saying out of the thousands out there that I actually agree with, though I would also add Holidays to that (any religious holidays regardless of religious persuasion). Plus what I've come to call Hallmark days, ya know those days the card companies keep making up. I have seen another side of folks around these times I didn't know they were capable of, talk about doing a double take to make sure I was talking the  right person.

MY DEAR SISTERS

 HOW TIME HAS FLOWN

My tiny sister Di in the middle

My niece Amy with my sister Andie



It has been 30yrs or more since I was in your company, with me moving to America. I remember when I first saw these few photos, I kept looking and looking, thinking "Who is this, they look familiar" It took me awhile to realize they are older versions of the young faces stored in my memory. Sadly my photo albums were stolen along with the yearly updates Andie and Mommy used to send (even in those you looked the same). I was shocked how much time had gone by.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY MOMMY.

DAVID.....

TRUE  GENTLEMAN

I don't remember ever seeing mommy so happy, nor seeing her laugh so much. It's the type of laugh that rises from deep within, exploding into a contagious, belly shaking tears rolling down the cheeks event. I just wish I knew how to record our skype sessions, the two of you sitting on mommies sofa cutting up on each other, giggling like a pair of kids caught with your hands in the honey pot. I can't put into words how much it's eased my mind knowing you're in her life.

MOMMY

MOMMY AND DAVID

THANK YOU MOMMY, FIRSTLY for being my mommy, making sure I always had on a clean nappy (diaper). Goodness knows how many of those you swished in the toilet as you pulled the chain, nor how many soaking buckets you emptied each wash cycle (nappies were cloth and toilets had pull chains back then). For making sure I  was fed, my goodness all those bottles you must have washed, sterilized, rinsed then filled over and over again. Mothers today have no idea how easy this part has become, though more expensive and less earth friendly. For doing all that encompassed being a Mommy....
My Mommy

SOME KNOW YOU AS 'W'

I need to say THANK YOU to Pappy. Boy have we had our laughs, I can't help but smile when I think of the time we set out to go fishing in old Bessy with your second son.  The weather was perfect, the cooler packed with goodies, old and new fishing tackle, chairs to sit on. Excited for a fun day we piled into  old Bessy  and off we went. We hadn't got far before you ask #2 son for the map, to which he replied "what map?" It was obvious by the look on your face you knew where it was, on the table at home. We'd been pouring over it carefully picking out which lake to spend the day at. Against #2 son suggestion you decided WE didn't need it. I don't remember how many times we went past the same tower,you KNEW the way. Each time we'd go past the tower you'd drive a bit further, take more turns. The look on your face was a picture when you turned the corner and there was the tower, you silently muttered  to yourself  "oh dear"  I couldn't stop myself and burst out laughing when #2 son suggested 
 "It would help if you didn't keep turning right"

PAPPY WITH ANNIE

We did eventually make it to the lake and had a wonderful time,we didn't catch much that day but that didn't matter, we had fun. As the sun we getting low in the sky we packed up, made our way to the outside toilets. Being the gentleman you let me go first I tried to warn you about the mosquitoes as you desperately rushed in, but my words went unheard. I was trying to shout over the top of the wall you came bursting out with the biggest cloud of mosquitoes chasing you, pulling up your zipper shouting
 "OOH MY PECKER"